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Achtung Baby: An American Mom on the German Art of Raising Self-Reliant Children, by Sara Zaske
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From School Library Journal
Channeling readers of Pamela Druckerman's Bringing Up Bébé and Alison Gopnik's The Gardener and the Carpenter, Zaske's work describes how the author moved from Oregon to Berlin after the birth of her son and, in the midst of the transition, found herself expecting her second child. In comic tones, Zaske shares the thrill and tumult of adjusting to a new culture, vastly different from her expectations. As opposed to the stereotype of strict, overbearing German parent, Zaske found "free-range" was the norm for childhood. In Germany today, children are encouraged to walk to school on their own and talk honestly about the Holocaust and other painful moments in the past. The priority is raising children who are self-reliant, independent, and responsible: a stark contrast, says Zaske, to the results some experts see from American children in the "helicopter" parenting era. From the birth process (in which midwives are the most common attendants) to early childhood (child care is considered a right, and "kita" schools provide playtime instead of the more rigorous American-style education) to elementary school (where topics such as sex, death, and nudity are a part of everyday conversations and outdoor time is enforced daily), Zaske compares American and German parenting culture and gives the U.S. reader inspiration to explore new methods. VERDICT A compelling cultural study that will interest all those who wish to learn about German culture, as well as American parents and educators.—Julia M. Reffner, Richmond, VA
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Review
"Ideal for parents of young ones...Unlike many parenting books, Zaske's is not judgmental, prescriptive or didactic. For that, American parents may soon be saying Danke and sending Achtung up the [bestseller] charts, too."―USA Today "In turns exhilarating and devastating to an American parent....We here in the ostensible land of the free could learn a thing or zwei from our friends in Merkel-world. It’s breathtaking to rethink so many American parenting assumptions in light of another culture’s way of doing things...A great read."―Slate"Zaske writes about the positive aspects of child-rearing in Germany in a relatable, self-reflective way, noting how she became aware that many of her parenting fears were culturally driven."―The Cut“Part memoir, part essay on parenting, Zaske’s book is furnished with ample statistics and research from Piaget to the origins of kindergarten in the nineteenth century. Zaske is equally perceptive when probing delicate and complicated topics such as the specific cultural menace of the Germans in relation to their history of disastrous nationalism.â€â€•Times Literary Supplement"A compelling cultural study that will interest all those who wish to learn about German culture, as well as American parents and educators."―Library Journal (starred review)“Supported by statistics and research studies, Zaske makes a strong argument that German parenting practices are creating smarter and more productive parents and children alike.â€â€•Publishers Weekly “An entertaining, informative, and enlightening narrative on the German methods of parenting that will have many in the U.S. reconsidering how they're raising their children."―Kirkus Reviews“Is it possible that much of what Americans believe about responsible parenthood, child safety, and the peculiar art of concerted cultivation stems not from reason but from blind adherence to custom and convention? With intelligence, humor, and a healthy dose of skepticism, Achtung Baby suggests it does. Contrasting American parenting with the less regimented German model, Zaske details her experience mothering in Germany to present a portrait of German-style parenting that is at once entertaining, surprising, and instructive. With curiosity and insight, she reveals how many of our parenting assumptions stem not from evidence but from insecurity and fear.â€â€•Kim Brooks, author of The Houseguest and Small Animals, and editor at Salon.com“I was completely drawn into this marvelous account of how Zaske learned to trust her children and allow them the freedoms they craved. It is the story of one family and, at the same time, of childrens’ and parents' lives in two huge modern nations. I recommend it to all American parents, educators, policymakers, and others concerned with children's lives and the future of our society.â€â€•Peter Gray, author of Free to Learn: How Releasing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life“This is a beautiful book. Zaske uses her personal experience raising her children in Berlin to reveal the differences―fundamental and trivial, serious and humorous―between German and American parenting, finding lessons in the ways Germans rear their children from birth to adolescence. Zaske probes our cultural differences and mines the hard data to offer us her pungent observations. Her insights deserve our attention.†―Robert LeVine, author of Do Parents Matter?“If you're wondering where to find happy, normal, un-helicoptered children these days, the answer is: Germany! Zaske looks to a land that trusts its youth, and lays out a smart, sensible path for raising resilient kids.â€â€•Lenore Skenazy, founder of the book, blog and movement, Free-Range Kids
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Product details
Hardcover: 256 pages
Publisher: Picador (January 2, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1250160170
ISBN-13: 978-1250160171
Product Dimensions:
6.4 x 0.9 x 9.4 inches
Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.4 out of 5 stars
56 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#141,692 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
As a new mother and an American who has been living in Germany (Berlin and Frankfurt) for almost 6 years, I couldn't wait to read this book. I hail from the same part of the US as the author so I assumed we'd also have a similar point of view on the key differences between American and German parenting styles. And while this is at times a fun read, it's written by someone who doesn't really understand the nuances of German culture or parenting - likely because she lived a very "expat" life in Berlin so couldn't get below the surface, even with the many expert interviews.I'm not trying to pick on the author here - German is not an easy language and it takes a lot of time to truly integrate and make German friends, especially in Berlin (since my husband is German, I've had a leg-up on this front). But there were many partial truths or things that may be technically accurate but not at all consistent with the way things actually work here -- things that made my German husband laugh out loud. A few examples:- No one would leave their baby in a stroller outside of a restaurant. In parts of Scandinavia, sure, or maybe in the smallest village in Germany, but certainly not in a major German city.- It may be true that legally, bars and restaurants are supposed to send teens under 18 home at midnight. In practice, this never, ever happens.- Hospital births in Germany are super natural birth friendly, despite the terrible way they're described in this book. In fact it is often difficult to get an epidural or other drugs during a hospital birth and, as the author points out, births are midwife-led. The idea that most people who go to a hospital end up with a c-section is preposterous (and statistically untrue, as the author herself admits). Among my friends, 3 children were born via c-section in a German hospital (one planned, 2 emergency after many other options were first tried) and 11 were born vaginally - far from "most" of them being c-sections.- Germans are all entitled to a sleep consultant?! What?!?! How come none of my mom friends or the other kita parents have ever heard about this? I know of 1 German acquaintance who tried - and paid handsomely for - a sleep consultant. This is by no means a standard and subsidized offering.- This is a nitpick, but some of the German was wrong (Abitur, not Arbitur; as someone else pointed out, "Achtung" is rarely ever used) and it drove me nuts that German nouns weren't capitalized, as they should be.Beyond this, I took bigger issue with the unbalanced way in which many aspects of the German system and German parenting were described. If you're going to extol the virtues of this system -- and don't get me wrong, there are many -- it is important to be clear about the costs as well.- For one, Germans pay around 50% of their income in taxes, which funds wonderful things like kita and university. Yes, these things are technically low-cost/free in that you're not getting a monthly bill for them, but everyone here ultimately pays via taxes. This is a far more socialized system than the US, with all of its costs and (many) benefits. To pretend we can have the same without fundamentally changing the state-society relationship - and corresponding tax rates - isn't really fair.- Among the costs of this kind of socialized system is a serious lack of kita spaces. She describes spending some time looking for a spot for her child but attributes it to her bad timing rather than a lack of spaces. In many cities (Frankfurt, Munich), it is near impossible to get a space (ask any of my friends who went from kita to kita delivering homemade cookies and begging) and some families are without care options when the child turns one, meaning a parent may need to stay home longer than planned - with all of the ensuing financial consequences.- There's an important difference between the quality of care someone on public versus private health insurance receives. For example, a publicly-insured mom will likely get a shared room in a hospital after giving birth, while someone with private insurance will get a private room and access to the head ob/gyn.- I know Berlin is a bit different, but in most of the former west, traditional gender roles are strong (recent research said they're comparable to gender roles in Italy: https://press.princeton.edu/titles/13324.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share) and, as this research explains, mothers are often stigmatized for pursuing a career. This is absolutely consistent with my experiences in Frankfurt, where people were horrified when I returned to work before my son was a year and where our kita expects children to be picked up by 3:30pm every day. It's unclear to me how that's supposed to work unless one parent (and almost always the mother) isn't working full-time. Germany is a wonderful place to live, but it is definitely not a utopia for women who want to pursue a career and have children. In many ways, it's socially harder here than it is in the US.I'll stop here. My sense is that these are all issues that arise when someone sees the culture from the outside-in and doesn't get deep enough below the surface. To be sure, the independence Germans foster in their children, the lack of fear and crazy helicopter parenting, the value placed on spending time outdoors, the kita system -- these are all wonderful elements of German society and it would be great if the US moved toward this model. But a book that purports to be an authority on parenting in Germany needs to get basic factual things right and also present a clear picture of the pros and cons of the system.
A nice account of German education through the eyes of a US-American mom. She is obviously very impressed by the German way. And she explains her reasons very well. At the end, you may realize that, although it may look like a bit of a surprise, Germans have a very human approach probably rooted in the way they bring their kids up. In my experience, they have a nice mix of patience and respect. Which it also means, they want to be respected. Therefore they are direct and plane, when they have to be. And indeed, they work on that and their independence since they are children. A nice book in several ways.
I'm an American who raised four children in Berlin. This book helped me better understand the advantages we had. A big reason I didn't appreciate them better at the time was that my own childhood in 1970s America was "free range kids." My siblings and I played outside every day with each other and the "neighborhood kids." We were free to go anywhere we wanted. So granting this same freedom to my own children seemed quite natural, and Berlin is great for kids. It was only when I visited my siblings in the States and saw how little freedom my nieces and nephews had did I realize there had been a big change in the US.The author is quite right about how nice and affordable German preschool Kitas/Kindergartens are. Too bad Americans don't have such options.A linguistic note: contrary to what the author writes, German-speakers don't go around shouting "Achtung!" at each other any more than English-speakers shout "Attention!" If a child is doing something dangerous, a parent will yell, "Pass auf!" (watch out), "Vorsicht!" (careful), "Hey!" or "Stopp!" but never "Achtung!"
We were very excited to get this book because it touched in greater depth upon something we'd noticed working in Berlin a few years ago--namely that children are allowed much more freedom than is common in the US. As we're expecting our first child, we were hoping for some concrete advice and tips for raising our child to be more self-reliant. While there was a small handful of good ideas, it becomes rapidly apparent that the culture and communities in which German children are raised are essential to implementing this parenting method . Zazke's calls to action go quickly from "you can do this at home" or "I tried this and it helped with that" to "call your senators so we have the same benefits as Germans," "get your school board to change the way your school educates," and so on. These suggestions, which become increasingly frequent as the book progresses, smack of niavety and priviledge to those of us who don't have the benefit of living in a progressive community like the author has in the Bay Area. Moreover, in the final chapters of the book in which she describes returning to the US take on a profoundly smug tone as she muses whether she "let [an acquaintance's daughter] down" by not contradicting her mother. She boasts about demanding her son be accommodated with a longer lunch time like he had overseas, and getting her daughter's teacher to change the days on which tests are held so that her daughter will feel less stressed. She announces she is "ready to do battle" with her children's teachers in the coming school year to ensure that they continue to like school. That doesn't sound like teaching self-reliance to me; that sounds like classic helicoper parenting.Also, while I appreciate that she wants to educate her audience about German history and culture, her condescening assertion that Americans aren't aware that we had Allies in WWII and her general historical overview has all the depth and nuance of a student after her first semester aborad.We bought the book instead of borrowing it from the library because I expected to want to keep it on hand for the future. Turns out that won't be necessary, so my copy is going to the library donation drive.
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